Just 2 more things.

I think the 2 most important things that stuck in my mind this week were: 1. The reinforcement in my mind that ANY type of pornography is bad. Photos, videos, stories…they all have the same awful affect. And 2. Sex is not only imperative to a healthy marriage, it is to be used to show our spouse how much we love and care about them.

Intimacy is well…intimate time with our spouse. And it is sometimes difficult to talk about.  It is important that we talk with our spouse, or soon to be spouse, about our expectations with intimacy. We also need to talk with our children about it. There are many ill-informed children out there. Society will tell us that sex and love have nothing to do with each other. They flaunt it on the tv commercials and the movies trailers. You can’t hardly watch tv without sex and infidelity and nonchalance about both being thrown in your face. This is what kids see “love” is. Intimacy to me is unconditional love, charity to my spouse, care and cherish each other, respect, sex, pillow talk, holding hands on the couch, a pat on the tush, or a wink across the aisle at the temple. (There is much more of course!) Sex is a gift from Heavenly Father not only to bring children into our families, but to also bring spouses closer together. There is a vulnerability with intimacy, we let down our guard and trust our spouse to care and respect that vulnerability.

Brother Goddard asks a couple of questions: Are you cultivating appreciation for sweet companionship in your marriage? Are you consciously grateful for the blessing of simple affection with your spouse?

Satan and society would lead us to believe that fidelity in marriage is a fairy tale. No one is committed and very few stay together. Sleeping with someone else is just another day in the life. Satan wants us miserable. If we are failing our spouse, our family, our sex lives, he is happy. He loves discord and disaster.

The porn industry is growing in leaps and bounds. There is really no limit on what people will produce to get our attention. It doesn’t take much. We are so blasted by images of sex and partial nudity on tv that we have become immune to the beginnings of porn. Most won’t think of it that way. It is dangerous in any genre. We have been warned by general authorities not to get involved in it. Psychologists will testify of its danger to relationships. It is unfortunately, an addiction. Just like alcohol and drugs it kills our soul. Stay away!

Healthy relationships take time and care to cultivate. Heavenly Father gave us desires to be used for good and for purpose. The natural man would have us use these desires for selfish need and want fulfillment. We are not perfect as humans, we struggle, we fall, we get back up and try harder next time. 

Gridlock

When I think of the word gridlock, I think of football... not futbol.  

(Disclaimer: I do not like the Lions or the Vikings. We are an NFC South family here! Go Falcons!! )

An offensive player and a defensive player pushing back and forth on the field, each trying to gain the advantage.  Gottman says that all gridlocked disagreements have the same four characteristics:

        1. “You’ve had the same argument again and again with no resolution.

        2. Neither of you can address the issue with humor, empathy, or      affection.

        3. The issue is becoming increasingly polarizing as time goes on.

4. Compromise seems impossible because it would mean selling out-giving up something      important and core to your beliefs, values, or sense of self” (237).

Gridlock can be avoided or significantly lessened if we learn to use his six principles. We will look at overwhelming situations with confidence, knowing we are able to communicate effectively with our spouse and work things out. We might not come to a total agreement, but we can agree to disagree. We need to be aware of each other’s needs and take care to listen attentively to them.

My husband would love to have a home somewhere warmer than Idaho. He talks of a little place in Mexico, the cheapest, Southern California, the most expensive, or Eastern Europe, too far away from the kiddos. I know he gets frustrated when I don’t want to talk about it. I am fairly comfortable where we are and really have no desire to live in Mexico with lots of spiders and scorpions. We have compromised that once a year or every other year, he or we, are allowed to take a two-week vacation out of the country. He has been to Eastern Europe about 7 times and I have been twice. It is lovely to see new places, people and scenery, but I am always glad to get back home to my normal place.

Emotions are naturally occurring, but how we choose to deal with those emotions is a choice. We make those emotion choices every day. I can choose to be angry at my son MANY times a day over very trivial stuff. I can choose to have road rage at the idiot driving too slow for my liking. I can choose to be happy and smile at those around me. I can choose to say encouraging words to my husband while he is making a job change. When we are kind and loving to others, we are being charitABLE. We are ABLE to love. We are ABLE to be kind. We are ABLE to make a change in our hearts.

We are able when we turn our lives over to Christ. It is through Him that all things are possible. Whether it is connecting with an errant child or with a stubborn spouse, we can turn to Him in prayer, and if we are humble, we can receive the assistance needed. We are meant to find joy in our relationships, but we have to put forth genuine effort. Sometimes they work out and sometimes they don’t.