Gridlock

When I think of the word gridlock, I think of football... not futbol.  

(Disclaimer: I do not like the Lions or the Vikings. We are an NFC South family here! Go Falcons!! )

An offensive player and a defensive player pushing back and forth on the field, each trying to gain the advantage.  Gottman says that all gridlocked disagreements have the same four characteristics:

        1. “You’ve had the same argument again and again with no resolution.

        2. Neither of you can address the issue with humor, empathy, or      affection.

        3. The issue is becoming increasingly polarizing as time goes on.

4. Compromise seems impossible because it would mean selling out-giving up something      important and core to your beliefs, values, or sense of self” (237).

Gridlock can be avoided or significantly lessened if we learn to use his six principles. We will look at overwhelming situations with confidence, knowing we are able to communicate effectively with our spouse and work things out. We might not come to a total agreement, but we can agree to disagree. We need to be aware of each other’s needs and take care to listen attentively to them.

My husband would love to have a home somewhere warmer than Idaho. He talks of a little place in Mexico, the cheapest, Southern California, the most expensive, or Eastern Europe, too far away from the kiddos. I know he gets frustrated when I don’t want to talk about it. I am fairly comfortable where we are and really have no desire to live in Mexico with lots of spiders and scorpions. We have compromised that once a year or every other year, he or we, are allowed to take a two-week vacation out of the country. He has been to Eastern Europe about 7 times and I have been twice. It is lovely to see new places, people and scenery, but I am always glad to get back home to my normal place.

Emotions are naturally occurring, but how we choose to deal with those emotions is a choice. We make those emotion choices every day. I can choose to be angry at my son MANY times a day over very trivial stuff. I can choose to have road rage at the idiot driving too slow for my liking. I can choose to be happy and smile at those around me. I can choose to say encouraging words to my husband while he is making a job change. When we are kind and loving to others, we are being charitABLE. We are ABLE to love. We are ABLE to be kind. We are ABLE to make a change in our hearts.

We are able when we turn our lives over to Christ. It is through Him that all things are possible. Whether it is connecting with an errant child or with a stubborn spouse, we can turn to Him in prayer, and if we are humble, we can receive the assistance needed. We are meant to find joy in our relationships, but we have to put forth genuine effort. Sometimes they work out and sometimes they don’t.