The Hatfields and the McCoys??

In laws or out laws? That is the question…

I do have to reiterate, all of my husband’s siblings have been divorced. My sister has been divorced. Did the in laws have anything to do with it? In my sister’s case, no. My parents still maintain love and fondness for my brother in law. Even more so than my sister’s new hubby. I know my in laws caused problems in 4 of their children’s marriages. They accused, they took sides, they were ugly, especially my father in law. I have tried to maintain good ties with my in laws. I remember birthdays, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. I invite them to our children’s events. I stop by on occasion by myself, just to visit. Some suggestions I would have for getting along with in laws would be:

1. Remember that your spouse is a product of them. They are not perfect and you are not perfect.

2. Remember the important days in their lives. Birthdays, anniversaries, Mom and Dad days.

3. Make them feel like they are part of what is going on in your lives. I invite my in laws to birthday parties, ordinations, blessings, ball games, graduations. Sometimes they come, most times they do not. I think after all of these years and missing out on some of the older grandchild activities, they are trying to make an effort with the youngest ones.

4. Do not bad mouth your in laws to your spouse. I have found that my husband gets a little defensive if I say something about his parent’s behavior.

5. Love them like you do your own parents.

6. Take the time to get to know them.

I know I can be a better daughter in law. I try every day. Sometimes in the past I have had my feelings hurt by them. I know they have hurt my children’s feelings also. They have left my kids out of trips to the park or Dairy Queen. I am grateful that my parents are willing and generous participants in my children’s lives.

Money. $$$ What can I say about money? We need it, we use it, we want it. It is a necessary evil. If we take the advice of our leaders we will do our darndest to stay out of debt. I have been known to use some retail therapy on occasion. I do it thinking I am getting back at my husband for being a jerk, but he usually has no idea. I pay the bills and he rarely looks at the credit card statements. I am just abusing myself. It is a vicious cycle.

I believe that paying an honest tithe is essential to my well-being. We have been graciously blessed for paying out tithing. We have some money in savings, two paid off vehicles, and no mortgage. It is a very liberating feeling to just have to for utilities, groceries, and gas for most months. I am a spender and my husband is a saver. My kids have had examples of both. My son saves until he can buy the things he wants. My daughter is very good at paying her household bills. Learning the hard way with money is no fun. For me budgeting is a difficult chore. ☹  I keep trying.