Let us choose to be humble.

President Benson had a few things to say about humility; a trait we all could use some improvement on, most likely.

“Let us choose to be humble.”

Humility is a choice. Love is a choice. Patience is a choice.

               

           “We can choose to humble ourselves by forgiving those who have offended us.”

It is important to forgive our spouse, children, co-workers, ward members, friends, parents, and ourselves.

               

           “We can choose to humble ourselves by rendering selfless service.”

When we serve others, we look beyond ourselves and our own wants. I just listened to a conference talk by Sister Cordon, in which she told of a story of Amy, a woman with cancer. She said on a day when she could take no more, her husband said that they needed to find someone to serve. As she took part in the serving, she began to forget herself. Amy said that service saved her life. She found strength in trying to relieve other’s suffering.

“We can choose to humble ourselves by getting to the temple more frequently.”

The temple is a blessing, not a burden. Not only can we help redeem the dead, we can receive personal revelation and have a couple of hours of peace from this crazy world.

“We can choose to humble ourselves by confessing and forsaking our sin and being born of God.”

Sometimes, even the little things can put our spiritual selves out of whack. We need to do all we can daily to be more like the Lord.

“We can choose to humble ourselves by loving God, submitting our will to His, and putting Him first in our lives.”

 How often do we say, “I’ve got this” or “Yep, that was totally my brain child”? Heavenly Father is aware of all that we do. He knows our needs, even our piddly, daily ones. All that we have and are is because of Him. We need to humble ourselves so that we can hear those promptings, those feelings, that will lead us closer to Him through service and love for others. He already knows the ending; shouldn’t we trust in what we are given? 

Links of love

Connections. We make connections every day. Personally, I am connected to my husband, children, son in law, granddaughter, extended family, ward members, specifically young women, co-workers, and the students I work with every day. I am also connected eternally to my son, Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. The circle of my connections gets larger every day. P.S. I am not even counting all of the idiots on the road, the neighbors I never see, or the cashier lady at 😊

                These connections are what keep us human. Like the links in a chain give each other strength, we have emotional, social, and spiritual links in our lives that need strengthened on a daily basis. How are we doing?

Sorry, not this Link.

 I can’t even imagine not speaking with my kids every day. Or even smiling at the Wal-mart lady. We all have the need of people. Our spouse or significant other is the most important person we should be connecting with. How often do we “turn away” from them? When we are angry, frustrated, hurt, depressed, in a hurry, preoccupied?? The list goes on and on. There is always an excuse. On a side note, my son just asked for help with his online tutor. I could tell his frustration level by the tone in his voice. I happened to get up for a drink of water and could have turned away, ignoring the plea in his voice. I made the choice to put my homework aside for a couple of minutes to see if we could solve the problem together. We did! And with an almost 15-year-old, “thank you, mom”. Is like music to my ears.

                I have been keeping track this week of times I could have turned away from my spouse and then thought better of it. I went and sat with him, went to bed when I really wanted to watch my show, rubbed his shoulders when I knew he was tense, and many others. Being conscious of my actions towards him has got me to thinking, just like smiling 😊 takes less muscles than frowning ☹, why am I not doing more of this. He seems to be more relaxed and willing to help out. He brought me my favorite ice cream bars when he stopped by the store. So, he must be feeling happy. Sometimes I am very observant to his cues, and choose to ignore them. Hey, I have long days too! No judging!! Sometimes I am a little slow on the uptake and sometimes I am right on target! Yay me.

I loved a paragraph in Bro. Goddard’s book. He states that, “When we feel any level of irritation, God is saying, “Hey! Here’s a chance for you to become more like me!” In any miserable relationship, we can remain “a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy” (George Bernard Shaw) or we can repent and move one step closer to being like Him.” 

Love maps

Love Map

        Who knew such a thing existed? I suppose “map” is a good word, we need a map to navigate our way around our town or another country, why not our spouse? In every marriage there are hills and valleys, highways and byways, mountains and molehills. How well do we know our spouse?

I didn’t know this guy very well, even after our daughter was born. We are from two different worlds. I have very involved parents, he doesn’t. I only had one sibling to get along with, he had five. My family is very active in church, his isn’t. We had different concepts about what child rearing was. Over the years, many date nights, family upheavals, and trial later, I would say we are in a much better place. I guess I envy those who don’t have to struggle in their marriage. But. I wonder if they really get along if they don’t have those struggles to help them grow up and close together.

            We have made date night a priority ever since our oldest could babysit. We even considered running to town for a gallon of milk a date. It got us out of the house together to unwind and reconnect. Dates don’t have to be elaborate or expensive. Sometimes we take the dog for a walk, sometimes we go out to dinner and once in a while, to a movie, but it has to be a good one. 😊

            Nurturing love, admiration, and fondness

What does it mean to nurture? Google defines nurture as to “care for and encourage the growth or development of” and “the process of caring for and encouraging the growth or development of something or someone.” Some synonyms are tend, rear, raise, support, foster. When we nurture a relationship, we are tending to that person and their feelings, fostering their growth and love, and caring for them through thick and thin. Letting your significant other know how much you appreciate them and the things that they do for you, or showing your love in a plethora of fun and interesting ways can enhance your relationship. It is when we drop the emotional ball or think we are “good” that things can turn sour.

          We should treat our relationship like that little seedling we just planted.  The more we water it, spend quality time with it, trim back those withering leaves or unsightly branches, we will see it grow into a beautiful being. With a strong root system, our branches will grow tall and sprout with many leaves, flowers and fruit. It will be a sight to behold. But, it takes time, and lots of it. We need to be patient, just like the Lord is with us. Our progress is eternal, and so should be our relationships with our spouse and children.

The Four Horsemen

John M. Gottman says that happy marriages are based on a deep friendship; a mutual respect and enjoyment for each other’s company. In my own marriage relationship, we get along, we are friends, we love and respect each other.  I can text him 14 times a day, or not at all, and I know what is going on with him. We communicate our love, concern for each other, and daily going-ons frequently. I know of a wife that calls or texts her husband at least

3

times an hour. It is like she has to be in constant contact with him or she can’t function. She is very needed and insecure even after over 20 years of marriage. Gottman also speaks of how he can predict a couple’s chances of getting divorced. He talks of tell-tale signs and the second one he mentions is

THE FOUR HORSEMEN.

Horseman 1: Criticism

          We are all guilty of being critical, of our significant other, our children, our co-workers, and ourselves. Gottman describes a criticism is global and expresses negative feelings or opinions about the other’s character or personality. Criticism can cut people down and hurt feelings, even if not intended. I can think of times I have criticized and then thought to myself, why on earth did I say that? And then I have to eat crow and apologize. Would have been better if I had just kept my mouth shut.

Horseman 2: Contempt

            How do those feelings of contempt make you feel deep down? We might feel like we are better than the one we have put down, but we are just keeping those negative thoughts and feelings in our own hearts. Disrespecting those we love not only affects their self-esteem, but ours also. Contempt can come from jealousy. There are many things we can get jealous about: a spouse flirting, someone having more than us that we feel we need, or our own selfish thoughts or desires.

Horseman 3: Defensiveness

          This one gets me in trouble more times than I would care to admit. I am quick to snap back with a sarcastic remark or a glare that would make Medusa blush. My dad used to say I was the Queen of Glare.

It is also difficult for me to get over a grudge or apologize. I rerun the scene in my mind many times trying to decide who is right and who is wrong. I dwell on it for days. It not only affects my relationships, the kids I work with can tell when something wrong. I then get a barrage of questions if I am alright, making me angrier. I definitely wear my emotions on my sleeve.

Horseman 4: Stonewalling

          This is also something I am really good at. I would rather not say anything at all than something I will regret. I like to think through my responses before uttering a word. I know it makes my husband angry because he is a talker. He can talk an Eskimo into ice cream. He can teach an impromptu Sunday school class. He is gifted in the area I am not. I have gotten better over the years, but I am still a stonewalling master.

When two people come together into a relationship, they are two separate beings from two separate worlds. It takes time, patience, understanding, and energy to make a marriage or even a friendship work. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. I know I need to work on making me a better communicator and not let any of the 4 horsemen control my thoughts, feelings, or what I say. Learning to tame these naughty fellows would be in my best interest.

          

Contract or Covenant?

Contract or Covenant?

Bruce Hafen said: “Marriage is by nature a covenant, not just a private contract one may cancel at will. Jesus taught about contractual attitudes when he described the “hireling,” who performs his conditional promise of care only when he receives something in return. When the hireling “seeth the wolf coming,” he “leaveth the sheep, and fleeth … because he … careth not for the sheep.” By contrast, the Savior said, “I am the good shepherd, … and I lay down my life for the sheep.” 2 Many people today marry as hirelings. And when the wolf comes, they flee. This idea is wrong. It curses the earth, turning parents’ hearts away from their children and from each other.”

                My grandparents were married for over 50 years. My parents and in laws have also been married for over 50 years. As much as they have fought or not liked each other very much, they have all stayed together. Marriage is a process, just like our other covenants. We don’t know everything about marriage when we say “I do”, just like we don’t understand all of the elements of our baptismal or temple covenants. They take years and years of learning, loving, patience and understanding. Contracts are easier to break off than covenants. I take my temple covenants very seriously. When Jeff and I were sealed, I didn’t realize there were so many little things that I had missed. I have been back to the temple many times and after 26 years, I am still learning about all of the things Heavenly Father wants me to.

                Bro. Hafen also talked about the 3 wolves that can be in every relationship. The first wolf is natural adversity. These are events that we as a couple or family, have no control over. A car accident, a house fire, a family member dying, etc. When our son died, it would have been very easy to blame each other for the accident, but we dealt with our demons and supported each other through a very difficult time, not only for Jeff and I, but for the three other kids also.

                The second wolf is our own imperfections. I know some of my imperfections drive Jeff crazy, as his drive me crazy. Over time, I have learned to let things go, especially when they are unimportant. I think the more we let the little things stew, the easier it is to get upset about them. We need to talk things out and work on our own idiosyncrasies.

                The third wolf is excessive individualism. I think this has become a generation thing. More and more people are choosing friends, hobbies, or “my” time over their spouse and children. I think President Hinkley said that most marriages fail because of selfishness. Selfishness can encompass many facets of our lives. We can be selfish with our love, our time, and our resources. As spouses and parents, these are the three areas our family needs most.

I am a daughter of God.

I am a daughter of heavenly parents. I am a daughter of earthly parents. My purpose is sacred and eternal and ordained of God.






I am a woman. I am a wife. I am a mother of five children. I have been sealed to them for all of eternity in a house of the Lord. I would not be who I am today without my family.
Heavenly Father made us individually as male and female to come together to bring his precious spirits to their mortal bodies. Dad and Mom are both needed in a home. Dad to love, teach, and guide in gospel righteousness. Mom to love, teach, and nurture. We each have divine qualities that enhance our relationship.